Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Let's Call the Whole Thing Off

On Saturday, Matt and I were unpacking. It was sunny and I felt good about finally being able to locate some of my shit. If our life was a movie, this scene would be a montage of opening boxes, folding sweaters, moving furniture and smiles. But it's not. In the afternoon, Matt sat down in his green chair – the beautiful, cushy chair that he had long before he met me – and stared out the window. "Are you ok?" I asked, and rubbed his head. "I need some alone time," he said – curtly.

It scared me. Matt does everything right. He follows directions while making pasta. He shows up to work early and stays late. He drives the speed limit. But I don’t think he likes it, and I'm afraid that one day he will just say, "fuck it," and drop out – of everything. It seemed to me that sitting in the chair and staring at our new lawn, he was about to bolt – from California, from his job, from me.

About 15 minutes later, I walked into the living room and he was still in the chair, this time quietly snoring. Oh, he was just exhausted.

On Monday, he called me sounding like he'd been drinking a lot of coffee and said he was about to get a car. I knew he'd seen a used Volkswagen GTI with low mileage advertised at a dealer, so I asked, "Is it the GTI?" He paused for a while then said, "Yes." To be clear, I asked, "Is it the used one?" "No," he said. Turns out he was about to lease a brand new GTI, even though we had talked about buying a used car. Then I realized that mostly I had talked about that. He'd listened and said nothing.

A few hours later, he drove up in his new car, excited and panic-stricken as we both tend to get after spending large sums of money. (In my case, that is anything over $120.) We sat in the car and he told me that getting it means that we are really going to give Calif. a chance – for at least three years, which is the length of the lease. I told him about how worried I was he was going to up and leave during that alone-time in the green chair. He told me not to worry and not to say that. Then we went inside and ate tamales.

2 comments:

carol said...

I wanted to tell you marla--The little Buddha man you gave me is on my kitchen shelf above the sink....I love him...there is a golden light on him and a tiny green plant next to him.
C.

marlanyc said...

ohhh, carol that makes me so happy!